The Battle of the Soda Cans

In the cold box, the cans fought like...grownups?

*Pepsi*: Alright. Let's do this like gentlemen. We just see who is picked first. *Coke Zero*: FUCK NAWH. I'M STRAIGHT UP Z. I'LL CUT YOUR OPENER. I'LL CUT IT! *Diet Coke*: God, I hope I get picked. He buys me wanting to cut down on sugar. But I just sit here. WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM? *Coke Zero*: HIS PROBLEM IS HE AINT DRINKING ME. I'M STRAIGHT UP Z. *Coke*: What is going on in here, another night where our owner is off partying? *Pepsi*: Possibly. *Coke*: He won't need us tonight. He has other friends. *Coke Zero*: THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN? I'M STRAIGHT UP Z. HEY COKE. COME NEAR ME. I'LL SLIT YOUR ALUMINUM. *Dr. Pepper*: I do not have the proper tools to fix that... *Coke*: It means he doesn't love us anymore. *Pepsi*: Don't be silly. He just doesn't love us tonight. *Diet Pepsi*: I hope that weird foreign soda doesn't find it's way out of the back. *Coke Zero*: I'M STRAIGHT UP Z. IF THAT THING COMES NEAR ME I'M SPLITTING. *Japanese Celery Soda*: Konichiwa?