I Love You But I Left You

I love you but I left you, so why don't I feel at all? Why do I still wish it's you on the other end of the telephone call? You won't be calling just to ask about my day, or to speak those three words that I'm unsure I want to hear you say. If I wanted to leave, why should I even care about the space between your open arms and who will next be there? I feel absolutely nothing, no hope or love or fear, and no matter if I want or not, I cannot shed a single tear.

But all those things you said to me, out of anger and sheer spite still pierce me hard every time I think about our constant fights. You'd always try to take them back, those hurtful things you said, but they were etched in my memory, on repeat in my head. I felt like all you wanted lay beneath my clothes, and you tried to get at your desire, no matter how much I'd oppose. And here my internal struggle lies, a failure whatever I may choose, cuz if I take you back I'm worried of what, this time, I'll lose.