Heaven Without Hamburgers (Poem)

Oh why, I must ask did I argue so well? I mean all of my friends were already in hell my accountant, fellow lawyers, even ally McBeal “Yeah Right“I told St Peter i demand an appeal these zombies in white with their worshipful song I need a Newport, a Miller, and a leopard print thong. They have no TV, no Internet, no XBOX , *NO BOOKS* no fights, no horns, not even dirty looks Hell has to be better, cause everyone’s there Cept these prudes with no makeup and their Crystal Gail hair The manna taste like prunes that have already been eaten I see why Satan rebelled in hopes of getting beatin. Everything i tried, to get me kicked out of here like stabbing old Gabriel and cuttin off his ear or grabbing a cherub for a quick shot of leg left me still forgiven, cigarette-less and undead At night when the square dancing finally slows down If I listen real hard with my ear to the ground I can hear the theme from Cheers and group fornication I could be in hell livin’ good, but i chose litigation.