Two Impossible Things Before Breakfast

Face down on my couch, I reached out blindly searching for my glasses. I vaguely remembered them falling to the floor in the middle of the night. My fingertips brushed against brittle softness that crumbled at my touch. Had I tracked leaves into my apartment? Impossible. I abandoned my search and sat up with a groan.

Even though I was near sighted, I could tell I was surrounded by trees.

"What in the hell?" My voice sounded strange in the open air.

My apartment was nowhere to be found. The situation was so ridiculous that I didn't know what to say. I stood up and looked around, squinting to see more clearly. Nothing looked familiar. Somehow I had gotten lost without even leaving my couch.

It didn't take long for despair to set in. I was lost in a strange place without my glasses; a virtual death sentence.

"What a strange way to die." I mumbled.

One end of my couch lifted off the ground and twisted around like a snake to face me. A muffled voice with a british accent barked, "Shut up- I saved your life."