If You Really Knew Me

Where does one begin when attempting to explain yourself to others? Well, I was always a shy child. I still am in many ways. I seem to constantly have the fear of rejection or reprimand. I hate going to the doctor because I'm sure they will tell me I'm doing something wrong. That raises my blood pressure, then they think I'm gonna stroke out. But I also think I have low self-esteem. I don't find myself attractive or talented and usually don't try because of those limitations, which leads to my fear of rejection or reprimand. The kind words of others have little effect. I just prefer to think that it's normal to doubt yourself. A lot. Maybe I just internalize things more than others; take things to heart when I should just walk away. Because my life hasn't been all that bad. Some slips and turns like normal, but pretty straight and narrow. I guess I just wish I could soften the outside, but toughen the inside; shut off the constant voice of doubt and just be ok with who I am... Maybe when I'm old.